COVID-19 has upended everyone’s lives. Being pregnant right now isn’t exactly what I imagined. This is the first in a series about being pregnant in a pandemic. This one is personal, about my feelings and thoughts during this time. I’ll also have posts on prepping for a baby, delivery, and postpartum all in a pandemic.
A few days ago, I broke down. I woke up on January 21, 2021 and just felt sad. Overwhelmed. Depressed. Lonely. Isolated. It took till the end of the day, but the tears I had been holding back finally came. And they came hard.
I’m pregnant in a pandemic. And I won’t lie. It honestly sucks. I’m entering my third trimester, and this hasn’t exactly been what I had imagined being pregnant would be like.
But let me be clear. I’m extremely lucky and privileged to be pregnant, to have a spouse who is supportive, to be able to work from home and be employed, to be having a relatively easy pregnancy and to be able to receive regular medical care. We are excited for this baby, excited to help it grow into hopefully a caring, empathetic, good person.
It doesn’t make being pregnant in a pandemic any better.
To expectant parents out there, I bet some of you are feeling the same. And if you’re like me, you have probably hid your feelings, your sadness and just pushed through.
What do I want other expectant parents to know about being pregnant right now? Is there any advice or wise words I can give? I’m unsure, but I’m going to tell you what I’ve been feeling, how I am and am not coping well, what I’ve learned. Honestly, writing all this down is therapy in itself to me, and I am doing all I can to take care of myself.
When friends, family, coworkers, and others ask how I am, I say “great! Physically I am feeling wonderful, and I’m so lucky that I am feeling good. It’s definitely odd to be pregnant right now, but I’m good!” It’s not a complete lie, but it’s not the truth either. Physically, I am fine. I have had zero complications, nothing really to worry about from that side of pregnancy.
But I hurry quickly past my “odd to be pregnant right now” comment to avoid going further with people into what it’s like mentally and emotionally to be pregnant right now. Even with my close friends and family, I’m glossing over the fact that since last March, when everything locked down, that becoming pregnant during this has made me feel alone, isolated, and not thought of.
Before COVID-19, my husband and I had a pretty active social life. We live in Washington, DC, and we’d love to go to restaurants and bars, meeting up with friends. We’d spend time outside when the weather was nice, sitting on rooftops and patios, drinking wine and cocktails. We’d bring our dog to any patio that allowed her and spend an afternoon just hanging out with people.
All of that changed with a pandemic. And rightfully so — we shouldn’t downplay the virus and the impact it has had on so many families worldwide. We just passed 400,000 deaths here in the US, which is a staggering number. Many who’ve been infected have lasting symptoms. And those, in addition to not wanting to catch it or spread it ourselves, along with the fact that we really care about other people and aren’t selfish, is why our social interactions since March have been outside, socially distanced, and masked. I can probably count on both hands the number of times we’ve seen friends and family since March.
It’s not like we aren’t talking with friends still. Phone, FaceTime, text…but it’s just not the same as seeing your friends in person. In non-pandemic times, you’d see your friends often and they would be able to keep up with your pregnancy progress. Now, it’s like if I do see someone, they maybe haven’t seen me showing at all. It’s a bit awkward, to be honest, because it’s like “oh yeah, you’re pregnant!”
The lack of in-person social interaction definitely makes interactions you do have weird.
It also means that its that much harder for people to check in on you. I appreciate my friends texting me, asking me how I am. When I talk to someone on the phone or FaceTime and they ask how I am, I am happy to get the question. But because I haven’t seen them, I feel weird talking about the pregnancy and how I am actually doing. Yes, this is my own mental issue and I’m going to bring it up with my therapist, but nonetheless, I feel weird talking about it.
I always imagined my dad coming up some weekend to help with the baby’s room, building furniture with my husband, while my mom and I go to brunch. But none of that can happen right now. I always imagined a super fun co-ed baby shower, and now it looks like if we even have one it will be a “drive-by” shower, which honestly just feels like a gift grab but I also just want to be able to see people, even for a few minutes.
I love wearing sweatpants and yoga pants daily, but it hurts my heart a bit to not be buying a ton of pregnancy clothes. I am able to work from home, so I don’t need to get a lot of work or play pregnancy clothes.
The only blame here (besides the inept Administration that is thankfully no longer in power, and the American people who could not be bothered to listen to science and experts early on and who continue to still not wear masks or social distance…) is the virus. I’m not mad at anyone. I’m not mad at friends or family, not mad at spouse or myself. I’m just mad. I’m just sad.
It makes me feel sadder too to think about how I am sad when there are so many other people suffering much more than I am. I feel bad that I feel this way since I really am so lucky to be in the position that I am.
It makes me sad and feel so lonely to feel this disconnected from friends and family. It’s not fair for anyone pregnant during this time to feel this way, but unfortunately, this is just how it is right now. But I also recognize that these feelings that I am having are valid. They are normal, and I am sure that I am not the only one feeling this way.
It’s not that I feel like this all the time either. I’ve found so much joy during this time, both inside and outside of pregnancy. I’ve been able to sit in the quiet of my house and think about this future human more than if life was pre-pandemic. Think about how I want to raise them (I use they/them for the baby because we are not finding out the biological sex, but there is only one baby!). Think about the stuff we really need and really don’t. Stare at my stomach and watch it move and bond with this human.
I’ve found joy in seeking advice and suggestions from friends through social media. People I haven’t talked to in years will respond to an Instagram post, and that has made me smile. People really do want to help. People really want to share their parenting journey with you to make your life easier when its your turn.
But the sadness is still there, and it creeps up on you at unexpected time.
How else am I coping? I mentioned earlier my therapist. I started therapy early in pregnancy for multiple reasons, and it’s truly been very helpful. It gives me an outlet and someone to help me work through things who is unbiased.
I’m trying to get outside, go on walks, get moving as much as I can. It’s been tough the past few weeks in DC because, you know, an attempted coup, but I walk when I can. Vitamin D can do a lot of good.
I’m distracting myself by trying to read more, write more, watching mindless content on all the streaming platforms. I’m working on lots of lists of things we’ll need to buy, do after birth, take baby preparation classes, and other things like that.
I’m playing with my dog as much as possible.
I’m telling my spouse about my feelings and trying not to internalize things.
I’m eating things that make me happy, making myself a nice cup of coffee when I want it, and ordering from local restaurants.
Am I doing some things that are probably me not coping well? Sure. I consume way to much content on TV and the internet. I doomscroll, which honestly is hard to not do when you live in DC. I’m not doing great at telling those close to me how I am feeling. I’m keeping anxiety in and not being consistent in trying to lessen that anxiety.
But overall, I think that I am doing ok coping. Sometimes it just catches up with you, like it did this week. It sucks being pregnant in a pandemic, truly, it does. I’ve learned though that accepting that is ok. Its normal to feel sad. It’s normal to be angry about it. I’ve learned its ok to sometimes just feel your feelings and be unproductive. I’ve learned its ok to cry, it’s ok to let it out.
And its ok to ask for help, to ask someone to listen, to tell someone how you’re feeling.
Pregnancy is 9 months. This pandemic has gone on in the US for almost a year. So there are a lot like me who’ve spent their whole pregnancy inside this horrible time for the world.
So please, everyone, listen to experts. Listen to science. Wear your masks (it shouldn’t be political to say this). Socially distance. Stop traveling around for fun. Stop going in places indoors for large gatherings, especially while not masked. Just think about other people so we can finally stop this virus and go back to some type of normalcy. Vaccines are coming — we just have to be willing to help each other out in the meantime.
Us expectant parents would really appreciate it.
